Bring on the Undead
by L. Greene
Summary: A collection of events in the lives of the Beta kids and humanstuck Alternian trolls now that the zombie apocalypse is upon them. M for language, violence, and possible sexual content later.


**Tracking this on Tumblr as "Bring on the Undead" and "BotU," so if you want, tag your reactions or whatever and I'll find it!**

**I'll probably only update this as inspiration strikes, but it struck pretty hard last night since I got sick of all my hair and I shaved it off (much for the same reason as Karkat, actually—someone was able to grab onto it and I do not like that), so it's now like a quarter of an inch long. On the plus side, my roots grew out so far I'm back to blond. Anyway, I actually do have two more possible chapters in mind: "Katanas Make Really Shitty Zombie-Fighting Weapons" and "Duct Tape is More Useful Than You Thought."**

**Many many ships sailing in this, and people will be multi-shipped (except for meowrails because no one is Nepeta's best friend besides Equius and vice-versa, and maybe one or two others). Hold onto your butts.**

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_**Those with Long Hair Will Not Survive the Zombie Apocalypse**_

Once in awhile, after a particularly trying day (not that there weren't plenty of those as it was), Aradia would think back to the first few weeks and chuckle softly to herself. They'd been so naïve back then—they all had, really. Somehow expecting that everything would work itself out ended up to be a futile hope, but hope was all they had to keep them going until they realized it wouldn't end.

Karkat had been the first one to shave his head. It surprised absolutely no one—Aradia strongly suspected he'd just been looking for an excuse ever since he saw _The Walking Dead_. He cited the way the walker was easily able to grab hold of Laurie's hair and drag her out of the car as his reasoning, saying that those with long hair wouldn't survive the zombie apocalypse.

"Long hair," in this case, being any hair long enough to get a firm grip on. Meaning that every single one of them, with the exception of Karkat now, would be in trouble.

Rose and Kanaya did it next, the latter screwing up her eyes and visibly wincing whenever the electric clippers touched her head. Afterward, she laughed as though it had been no big deal, and for the next few days, both she and Rose couldn't stop running their hands over their newly-sheared heads. Aradia began unconsciously touching hers, wondering what it would feel like, what she would _look_ like, without all of her long, dark hair.

One day, a walker managed to grab Equius by his ponytail and he dropped his bow and arrow. It was only through Nepeta's quick reflexes and well-oiled crossbow that Equius survived without a bite. The moment the two of them made it back to camp, he went straight to Karkat and asked for the clippers. He and Nepeta got rid of all their hair together as he relayed the story of what had happened. As soon as he finished, Karkat turned to all of them.

"Everyone gets a goddamn haircut."

Jade and Terezi went quietly—Jade had always had an adventurous spirit and was frankly thriving right now, and Terezi didn't really give that much of a fuck about her hair to begin with. Tavros, who had brought the clippers in the first place to maintain his Mohawk, acquiesced to orders and buzzed the whole thing. Most of the other boys—John, Dave, Sollux—submitted meekly (Dave going so far as to snatch the clippers out of Tavros's hand and do it himself), although Gamzee had to be forced bodily onto the stool by Equius in order for Tavros to shave out the first patch. After the first clump of hair dropped, he stopped wiggling and allowed them to continue—he seemed to realize that his hair would be fucked-up if Tavros didn't finish.

Vriska sat down next, haughtily proud, and Kanaya took a pair of kitchen scissors and clipped off the bulk of it. After the nearly two feet of her hair was on the floor around her, she eyed it anxiously. "Almost done?"

"Hang on," Kanaya said airily as Tavros turned the clippers back on to get the rest of it.

Vriska stared off into the sky through the window, zoning out. Aradia would later discover through firsthand experience that the small attempt at escapism helped when the hair you'd spent years growing out began falling to your feet. The surrealism of the situation wasn't alleviated when your head suddenly felt about five pounds lighter and every breeze would hit the back of your neck when you didn't recall it ever doing that before.

Feferi went after her, looking just as cool as Nepeta had (Nepeta had actually laughed as Equius ran the clippers over her head, and she squealed excitedly at her reflection), and sat there quietly, smiling at Eridan's jokes. He seemed more nervous than she did about her being sheared like a sheep, although she let out a squeak the first time the clippers actually touched her scalp. By the time Tavros finished, she was looking just like the rest of them, and her full smile had returned. She attempted to pull her own hair and failed, only being able to grasp it with her fingertips before it slipped out of her grip. "Wow, that's short!" she laughed.

Aradia went last, grabbing on tightly to Nepeta's hand and closing her eyes as Kanaya began snipping at her hair. She was pretty sure she didn't breathe the entire time Kanaya was cutting her hair, but when she heard the clippers start buzzing behind her, she whimpered.

"It's okay," she heard Tavros murmur gently in her ear. "You're still going to look beautiful."

"That's not it," she said even though it was actually the bulk of her concern.

"It'll help you survive," he said.

She sensed someone crouching in front of her—it couldn't be Nepeta, since she was still clinging to the other girl's hand and she hadn't felt her move—and when she opened her eyes, Sollux was kneeling in front of her. "Hey," he said, cupping her cheek. "You'll be fine. Here, feel that," he added, grabbing her free hand and running it over his head.

"Oh, my God, that feels so weird!"

"I know, right? Kinda prickly, but kinda soft, too, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Your hair will feel like that, too. It'll help you. We gotta live—we _all_ gotta live."

Aradia nodded, sniffling. She ran the back of her hand across her nose and straightened her shoulders. "Alright, Tavros. Have at it."

She was surprised when she laughed once Tavros finished the cut. She ran her fingers over her scalp and giggled. "Let me see a mirror!"

Rose brought one over and Aradia covered her mouth with her hands. With her hair this short, close to nearly shaved, her eyes looked _huge_. Tavros had been right, of course—she _did_ still look beautiful, but it was a different kind of beauty. She had been transformed from a fairy-tale "classic" sort of beautiful to an edgy, indie-rocker, ultra-feminist, ass-kicking beauty, and she was surprised by how much she actually liked the look. "Can you get it any shorter?" she asked Tavros.

"Uh, the 'zero' setting will take it down to nearly shaved. I used the 'four' clip on you."

Aradia nodded excitedly. "Take it to the zero."

Tavros did as she asked, the first person to actually request _shorter_ hair. Once it was down to the zero—from a half-inch to an eighth of an inch—she deemed it short enough and stood up, smoothing out her skirt. Sollux gave her a hug.

"That's my girl," he whispered, and she hugged him back as tight as she could.

Here, even at what seemed to be the collapse of everything, she was glad to at least have her best friend with her.

"I feel like we missed someone," Kanaya said, counting on her fingers. She reached fifteen, going from her left hand to her right and back to her left, and stopped. "We did. We have you, me, Rose, Karkat, Equius, Nepeta, Aradia, Sollux, John, Dave, Jade, Terezi, Vriska, Gamzee, and Feferi... who did we miss?"

Sollux suddenly smirked. "ED."

"Eridan," Kanaya called. "Time for your haircut!"

Eridan was sitting next to Feferi on the porch, his back against the railing, but at Kanaya's words, he went ashen and turned. "No," he said, shaking his head; behind his thick glasses, his eyes were wide with what could only be described as terror.

"Come on, get the fuck over it and cut your fucking hair!" Karkat barked from the end of the porch. "You wanna die for fashion, douchebag?"

Eridan covered his hair with his hands. "Come on," he whined, although his voice was in danger of cracking. "You already made me stop gellin' it, w-why do I gotta cut it, too?"

Feferi used his distraction to reach behind him and yank sharply on his hair. "That's why," she said sweetly as he whimpered in pain. "Everyone else did it—now, it's your turn."

"But I don't w-wanna!"

"You big baby, it's just hair!" Feferi snapped, grabbing him by his arm to haul him to his feet. "We can do this the easy way, or we can have Equius come out here and drag you to the bathroom. Your call."

Eridan was fiercely proud of his hair. He'd gotten it just the way he liked it not too long ago, and he was especially fond of the purple streak through his bangs. It had grown out with his roots, the white-blond of his natural hair color since he hadn't been able to maintain any of the coloring while the living Hell had descended upon them, but he still spent way too much time fussing over his hair.

Shuffling his feet, he allowed himself to be led to the bathroom and Tavros's stool.

Aradia and Sollux decided to stick around for this—Sollux and Eridan had a relationship that Aradia could only describe as complicated. They seemed to hate each other more often than not, but it was mutually an affectionate sort of hate. They saw in each other something they each despised but, somehow, saw other things they liked. "Friendly rivals" wasn't the right term for it, but they did enjoy verbally harassing each other. Aradia knew Sollux wouldn't want to miss out on a chance to see Eridan squirm.

But to her surprise, Sollux kept his mouth shut as Eridan dropped to the stool. Trembling slightly, Eridan stripped off his shirt and Kanaya wrapped a towel around his shoulders. She then ran her fingers through her hair, tilting her head to the side as though sizing it up.

"Yeah, that's right, get the last feel in w-while you still can. I got a feelin' it's gonna be a long time before I can grow it out again," Eridan said petulantly.

Sollux grinned and twisted his fingers through Eridan's hair as well, Eridan's eyes half-closing in pleasure at the attention before Kanaya swatted his hand away.

"I'm attempting to decide if it would be better for Tavros to simply buzz it or for me to cut it back first," she explained carefully.

Eridan half-turned. "Just buzz it," he said quietly. "Get it ov-ver w-with." Stress had loosened his control; his stutter that was barely noticeable when he was relaxed had grown far more pronounced, causing his lips to trip on the "v" and "w" sounds.

"Alright. Tavros?"

"Uh, yeah, I think I can work with that," he said, turning on the electric clippers. Eridan let out an involuntary whimper at the sound of the buzzing, and his eyes brimmed with tears.

Sollux reached out again and gently removed the other boy's glasses. He set them on the edge of the bathtub and squatted down almost between Eridan's knees. Eridan's wide eyes locked on Sollux and didn't waver for a moment from his face.

"Hey," he murmured, running his hand down Eridan's bare arm. "You're okay. Keep looking at me." He paused a moment to take off his own glasses, novelty-looking ones with one lens tinted red and the other tinted blue to hide his heterochromia, but Aradia knew they were prescription glasses. "Okay? You're fine," he continued.

Tavros brought the clippers down over Eridan's forehead and pulled back against his scalp. Eridan let out a pained squeaking sound at the back of his throat, sounding more like the whimpering of a wounded animal than a twenty-one-year-old getting a really bad haircut. A tear slipped down his cheek, and Sollux reached up to brush it away with his thumb.

"You're doing fine. Keep looking at me. Right here." Sollux pointed to his own eyes. "Don't look away."

Eridan nodded tightly, keeping his eyes locked on Sollux's.

"I know. I know. You don't have control over anything anymore—your hair was the final thing you could actually control, but now you can't anymore. I know." He squeezed Eridan's hand as Tavros continued buzzing away all of his hair and Eridan sniffled, a few more tears spilling over. "I know it blows, but you can take it. You can handle it. You're tough. You're a fucking douche-wagon and you'll make it through this."

Eridan choked on a sound that was half a laugh and half a sob and then he was flat-out crying, careening forward to press his face to Sollux's neck.

"Hey, hang on," Sollux said, pushing him back by his shoulders. "You're not done yet. Little bit more. I _know_ you don't want to go out looking like that, either, because you think _my_ hair looks awful? Yeah, not after you check out your hair. You got like a random clump right here," he said, tugging lightly on a spot right above Eridan's right ear before Tavros buzzed it away, "and another over here—" here, there was a tuft near the crown of his head on the left side, "and you probably got some major fuckery going on in the back that I don't know about."

Tavros grinned behind Eridan's head and nodded. "Uh, yeah, it's kind of funny, actually."

"Yeah, laugh it up, ass-clown," Eridan grumbled, his voice cracking but his tears subsiding somewhat.

"Hey, knock it off, it's not TV's fault you keep wiggling around," Sollux chastised him gently.

Eridan seemed to hold his breath for the last few seconds, and finally Tavros stepped back. "All done."

His eyes widened and he ran his hand over his freshly-mown scalp. All at once, Eridan's tears came back, flooding down his face, and he let out a strangled whimper. "Oh, my God," he sobbed, "it's all fuckin' gone!"

Sollux didn't hesitate another moment. He tugged Eridan into a tight hug and Eridan immediately wrapped his arms around Sollux, crying into his shoulder while his whole body shook. "I know," he murmured. "I know, and I'm so sorry." He leaned his head against Eridan's and closed his eyes for a minute. Aradia wasn't sure, but she thought she heard him whisper, "I just can't lose you over your fucking hair."

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**Yeah I actually cried while writing this since I could feel Eridan's pain so acutely. Poor baby.**

**I will take five minutes and then start writing Act 65 of "Coming to Terms"!**


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